The Australian: Day 2

This soppy prick is Nick D'Arcy, from the Aussie Olympic swimming team. Well, he ain't that soppy 'cos he utterly beat seven shades of sh!t out of some bloke a little while back whilst pissed off his face. He was finding out today from the Australian Olympic Committee whether or not he'd be going to the olympics or not. So I was hangin' about outside some building bare time waiting for this fucktard.


There was mad loads of news cameras about. I was probably on tv, just wanderin' about in the background like a spare prick at an orgy.



These massive eyes made me paranoid...I threw up 6 times.


About 2 hours later that knob'ead came out again.


Small world. I bump into Barker of Living In False Ease fame...in the middle of Sydney. Tripooowwwwwwwt.


There was then some press conference thing to give the verdict on whether or not he'd still be on the team. Proper media mob. No joke, had at least 30 people ask me "who you waitin' for mate?" or "whas goin' on 'ere mate?" Got bored so just said police found a dead baby in Russel Crowe's car boot. A couple people bought it, most told me to fuck off. Nosey pricks.


This guy then came out and basically said "he isn't on the team."


Day over...straight to some ultimate stereotypical Irish pub called Scruffy McMurphy's or something like that. Toohey's New is the mutt's bollocks. Sod VB.

The Australian: Day 1

First day, shot photos of this stuck up cow, Oz's deputy prime minister. Conference had free wine and food though, stoked.

Always happens in school,but in nightclubs?

How many times do we walk in on 1st years doing this?o yeh,jus found out i can txt to the blog!nibs took this ages ago buh i fort it deserved to be on here.i think this bloke shaves his arse!?

Germ.mania continued

In germany i got ill an spent the whole weekend in my hotel room throwin up,buh metallica played rockMring live so i watched that.result!

Germ.many

Here is our stand.the woman at the front we later found out was a witch!

Too busy not givin' a f**k.

One thing everyone knows about Oz is the animals they got are f**kin' weird. So I went to some koala park down the road from my house...koalas are gnar and there was nowt else to do on the 6th day in a row it rained for the 6 days I've been here. It ain't all sun you know.


These gay tie-dye birds were outside my window this morning.

Despite dressing like fags, they were gangsta as. Any other bird that tried to front on their sh!t they merked up.

At the koala place, the koalas were straight chillin'. They can do what the f**k they want at that place, just walk around like the rest of us non-koala folk. But they don't 'cos they're too busy not givin' a f**k.

This one just slept while 1000 Japanese tourists took 50,000 photos and poked it...probably thought it was a pokemon.

Kangaroos are pretty safe too.

VB ain't shit

So I'm in this country right now, 9 hours into the future from the 5 of you that read this sh!t. Working for 3 weeks at The Australian and Daily Telegraph.
21 hour flight was an utter killer. Stopped off for a ciggy break in Singapore after 11 hours of some c**t kicking my chair and my tv not working properly. Got on a different plane for the last bit of the journey, chair-kicking c**t was gone and my tv worked, stoked.
On the way to the house, the bloke I'm staying with told me loads of gnarly stories like how he found a mad poisonous snake in his BBQ and then chased it round the garage with an axe. Sick.

First day in the city, ultimate tourist.

Don't have any idea what the point is.




This knob was juggling a knife, a flaming torch and an apple whilst balancing on a BMX suspended on a 20ft pole. He then begged for money after so I gave him 50 cents.


These guys were playing this mad techno aborigine music...I gave them $5 'cos they were hella better than the other twat.


You can walk across the top of Harbour Bridge. It's gnarly as, the railing is tiny and you get harnessed to it 'cos death is a given. It's $150 to do it though.


Some Indiana Jones sh!t.


Getting arty with the opera house.




More photos to come unless a funnel web spider tries to bite my cock when I go for a sh!t.